When I first encountered Onan’s story in Genesis 38 from an ancient Near Eastern perspective, something clicked. Here was a man whose mysterious death prompted speculation and errant teaching about human sexuality. His refusal to provide an heir for his deceased brother wasn’t a sexual sin—it was about protecting his inheritance and perpetuating greed in his family.

This revelation transformed my view of “generational curses.”

To be honest, I hate the term “generational curses.”

I’ve seen people seek deliverance ministries to break free from “generational curses.” These ministries mean well, offering prayers and rituals that promise freedom. But they address the symptom, not the underlying issue.

The truth lies deeper than mystical curses. When I wrote about experiencing parental favoritism, I discovered that my parent, who favored my sister, had been the less-favored child. This wasn’t a curse from a past sin—it was a learned pattern of pain passed down until someone could recognize it and choose differently.

Scripture shows us human dysfunction patterns—favoritism, deception, greed—that shape family relationships across generations, not supernatural afflictions.

Are “generational curses” real?

Breaking inherited patterns requires more than prayer. It needs intentional action, reliance on God’s strength, and a commitment to partner with Him to reclaim His vision for our lives and families.

Onan’s Sin

The Catholic Church has used Onan’s story of spilling his seed on the ground (coitus interruptus) to condemn contraception and masturbation. Such interpretations disregard the cultural context. Onan’s sin wasn’t the sexual act, but the reason behind it.

If Tamar bore a son, he would legally be Er’s heir and receive the “double portion” inheritance, leaving 25% each for Onan and Shelah. By denying her an heir, Onan would get the double portion split between two brothers; 66.6% of his father’s estate. He sought to protect his financial future at the expense of his brother’s legacy and Tamar’s rights.

Onan sought to preserve his honor by avoiding the shaming ritual (Deuteronomy 25:5-10) by sleeping with Tamar instead of refusing the duty. His coitus interruptus was a deceitful act intended to make him appear honorable while exploiting Tamar and his family obligations for personal gain.

When “Breaking the Curse” Breaks Us Instead

The story of Onan contrasts with how many churches approach generational patterns today. Biblical stories show complex family dysfunction requiring extreme action to overcome. Many reduce these patterns to simple “curses” broken with a single prayer. This approach misses the point and harms people seeking real transformation.

Consider this scenario: A young woman realizes she’s repeating her mother’s pattern of choosing abusive relationships. The “generational curse” approach tells her she just needs the right prayer to break free. But she needs to understand how this pattern developed, recognize her role in perpetuating it, and learn new ways of relating to men—all while depending on God’s transformative power.

Some believe their struggles—whether in relationships, finances, or habits—are due to a “curse” from past generations. While this can feel freeing (“It’s not my fault!”), it traps them in a victim mindset. Instead of addressing today’s choices, they blame the past or rely on someone else to “break” the problem for them.

This mindset leads to several significant issues:

1. Misplaced Focus: When everything becomes about the “curse,” we stop asking questions that lead to freedom. What choices am I making that keep this pattern alive? What inherited beliefs no longer serve me? What new responses could I learn?
2. False Freedom: The “curse-breaking” approach promises instant liberation but delivers something more dangerous: temporary relief that masks the real issue. It’s like putting a bandaid on a broken bone. The pain dulls for a moment, but without proper treatment, the injury worsens. Real freedom comes through understanding and addressing the root causes of our behaviors.
3. Reinforcing Fear: This teaching damages our relationship with God. Instead of seeing Him as a Father who empowers us to change, we view Him as a distant judge to appease through the right ritual. We focus on uncovering our ancestors’ sin instead of building an intimate relationship with God that transforms us.

These approaches not only fail to help, but they also obscure the real solution from Scripture. Nowhere is this solution clearer than in Jacob’s family story.

Dysfunctional Patterns in Jacob’s Family

To understand family patterns, look at Genesis. God doesn’t just tell us about family dysfunction—He shows us how it develops and transforms. Jacob’s family becomes our detailed case study in generational patterns, showing us not mystical curses but the familiar ways trauma and dysfunction pass from parent to child.

Consider how these patterns played out:

• Favoritism: A father openly prefers one child, giving them special gifts and attention. The other children, hurt and angry, turn against the favorite. Does this ring a bell? This isn’t just Jacob and Joseph—it’s the same pattern from Jacob’s childhood, where Isaac favored Esau. Today, we call this “family trauma.” Then, as now, children who experience favoritism often repeat the pattern with their own kids, perpetuating a cycle of resentment and division.
• Deception: When Jacob’s sons showed him Joseph’s bloody coat, they were following a family script written generations before. Their grandfather Jacob deceived his father with a dead goat and stolen clothes. Their great-grandfather Abraham lied about his wife being his sister—twice. Each generation learned: when threatened, deceive. When afraid, manipulate. These were inherited survival strategies.
• Sexual Immorality: Abraham and Isaac instructed their wives to pose as their sisters when dealing with foreign kings, risking them being taken to bed. Abraham and Jacob initiated polygamous relationships with servant women at their wives’ demand to produce children. Judah didn’t hesitate to sleep with what he believed was a cultic prostitute. He grew up in a family with little regard for healthy sexual relationships.
• Greed and Injustice: In Genesis 37, Judah suggests selling Joseph for profit rather than killing him, prioritizing financial gain over his brother’s life. Later, in Genesis 38, greed and injustice focus on Judah’s second son, Onan. According to Levirate marriage law, he was obligated to produce an heir for his deceased brother, Er, by fathering a child with Tamar. However, Onan selfishly refused to fulfill this duty. Instead, he performed the act in a way that ensured no offspring, making it appear that he was honoring the law while secretly protecting his own interests.

Jacob’s family shows how sin and brokenness ripple across generations. The first step toward breaking these patterns and creating a new legacy rooted in God’s vision for families is recognizing them.

Breaking the Cycle: More Than Forgiveness

When Joseph revealed himself to his brothers in Egypt, he had every psychological weapon to continue the family legacy. He could have shown favoritism by blessing only Benjamin. He could have used deception to torment them. He could have given in to greed by demanding payment for his help.

Instead, he did something radical: he saw the bigger picture.

His famous words—”You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20)—weren’t just about forgiveness. They were about breaking free from family dysfunction to see God’s larger purpose. Joseph didn’t just forgive; he reimagined his family’s story.

This makes Joseph’s response different from modern “quick fix” solutions. Instead of just praying away the pain or performing a ritual to break the “curse,” he did the harder work of:

• Facing the truth about his family’s dysfunction.
• Processing his pain without becoming bitter.
• Choosing to see God’s redemptive purpose.
• Taking practical steps to create new patterns.

This transformation points us to Jesus, who offers something more radical than pattern-breaking. When Paul writes that he “became a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13), he’s not talking about a simple spiritual fix. He’s describing a complete rewriting of our family story. In Christ, we’re not just breaking old patterns—we’re being adopted into a new family with new ones.

Through His death and resurrection, Jesus invites us into a new identity as children of God. We are no longer condemned or defined by our past (Romans 8:1). Instead, we are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), called to put off the old self and embrace a renewed life (Ephesians 4:22-24).

This isn’t a passive transformation.

It’s a partnership with God that requires active participation to uproot old habits and plant seeds of new, godly behaviors.

Joseph’s life and the New Testament teachings converge on a central truth: we inherit destructive patterns, but we aren’t prisoners of them. By trusting in God, embracing our new identity in Christ, and committing to ongoing renewal, we can escape our evil inclinations and create a new legacy rooted in His grace.

Steps to Break Generational Patterns

Many Christians get stuck. We know we’re new creations in Christ, but we fall into old family patterns. We favor one child over another. We respond to conflict with manipulation. We make choices driven by generational fears.

Joseph’s example becomes practical. Like him, we need divine intervention and a willingness to participate.

To break patterns, we need to:

1. Name the Pattern – Like Joseph, we must acknowledge our family’s dysfunction without sugar-coating it. What behaviors keep showing up? What triggers these responses? Where did they originate?
2. Map the Impact – Track how these patterns affect your relationships. Does your father’s criticism echo in your parenting? Does your mother’s anxiety influence your money handling?
3. Create New Scripts – When you identify a trigger for an old pattern, choose a different response. If your family handled conflict through silent treatment, practice direct communication. If they used guilt to control, practice healthy boundaries.
4. Build New Support Systems – Joseph had Egyptian advisors and friends outside his family. Who can support your growth? Consider counseling, mentorship, or small groups focused on family healing.

The goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress. Each time we choose a new response over an old pattern, we’re not just changing our story. We’re creating a new legacy for future generations. One percent better each day adds up!

This is the deeper meaning of being “new creation” in Christ. We’re not just individually transformed; we become part of God’s story of family restoration. Through us, He rewrites generations of dysfunction into stories of His redemptive power.

The question isn’t whether generational curses are real. The question is: What story will your family tell about how God used you to change their future?